Monthly Archives: January 2010


It’s 6am and I’m awake. Do I want to be awake on a Saturday morning at 6am? Nope. So what better way to pass the time then randomly ramble through blogging…..

I often wake up in the morning feeling magnificent. I feel energetic, awake, and fully rested. Except it’s early, and I don’t have to be awake. So I then close my eyes and drift back to the land of sleeping only to wake up and hour (or 2 or 3 ) later only to feel drained, slow, and groggy. Each time I tell myself “stop going back to sleep”. But I love to sleep! So here I am, not going back to sleep. I know I’ll feel worse if I do.

My real Dad joined FB. What a shocking friend request that was! Nevertheless, I was happy about it. Not only does this mean we will stay more connected, I don’t have to call in order for us to talk (we all now I get a big fat F- for my abilities to call people, or even answer my phone). I’m glad to see him on it and I’d like to think it will make our reconnecting stronger.

Slurpee’s are yummy. They are even better mixed with an airplane shooter of your drink of choice.

I don’t think a day will come where I don’t tear up about Ted. Yesterday was hard. Watching the sadness, the tears, all of it. I honestly don’t know how my Aunt is getting through this, but I have never in my life looked up to her and admired her heart and courage more than I do now. I don’t think I could ever or will ever be that brave. She is extraordinary.

Maybe you know this about me, maybe not. I started therapy when I was 13 and I’ve been in and out since. I’ve been seeing an amazing counselor and I’ve quickly realized an area of growth… my lack of coping skills. I can have enough humility to admit, I need help here. Please. I’m 30. It’s time to learn how to deal with life’s disappointments and shrug off the little things. Not only are there going to be more disappointments in life, but I want to strengthen my ability to still enjoy life even when it’s hard. And man, it sure can be hard.

This past week was emotionally, mentally, and physically draining. Torture. A “living hell” is how I often referred to it. So many people checked in with me, kept tabs on me, etc. Not only did I previously take for granted the amazing support group I have, I didn’t really know it existed. Knowing that not only was it going to get easier, but I had quite a few people there for me during the process made it easier. It made the week and the torture pass with additional ease and love but I didn’t feel so alone nor as scared as I normally would have. I’m eternally grateful for my remarkable and loving friends for their help, and my mom of course!

I think that’s enough rambling for today. Happy Saturday!



Sometimes I wonder why I’ve been questioning my faith in the world, in God, and life in general. Then I remember you. I remember all the heartache. Quickly I’m blindsided while the pain kicks in and I remember why I question any higher power.

The saying “too good to be true” has never before made as much sense, and I use that term quite often for many different happenings. I’m trying to understand it all, I really am. However, before I even get anywhere close to what may be considered a rational thought, I find myself in tears. No sense has yet to be made in my mind. In fact, I haven’t yet been able to get through telling the story of you from start to finish without crying.

My heart is heavy right now.

A recent read….

The Butterfly
By: Author Unknown

A man found a cocoon for a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared,
he sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to
force its body through the little hole.

Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had
gotten as far as it could and could go no farther. Then the man decided
to help the butterfly.

He took a pair of scissors and snipped the remaining bit of the cocoon.
The butterfly then emerged easily.

Something was strange. The butterfly had a swollen body and shriveled
wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected at
any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the
body, which would contract in time.

Neither happened. In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life
crawling around with a swollen body and deformed wings. It was never
able to fly.

What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand, was that the
restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get
through the small opening of the cocoon are God’s way of forcing fluid
from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready
for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life.

If God allowed us to go through all our life without any obstacles, that
would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been.

Not only that, we could never fly.


(disclaimer: by “God”, I interpret whatever you believe in. This isn’t a story about God, this is a story about overcoming obstacles and adversity. Don’t let the “God” part stop you from digesting the beauty of this story)


I knew at 5 years old I was destined to be a teacher. Growing up the way I did, the sadness, the abuse, the anger, I knew I wanted to hug all the children in the world. I wanted to grow up and make a difference. I dedicated my entire school career and teenage years to learning everything I could about being a teacher and working with young children. I taught for many years. There were days that were tough, but always days that were so wonderful that the tough days were easily forgotten. Along my road of teaching, I not only met amazing children who forever changed me, but other teachers and parents who also helped me grow in my profession and filled me full of love, appreciation, and laughter. I recently ran into a group of my past students at a birthday party at the pool. Included with them were 4 children who were never in my class but that I had given a plethora a love and hugs to. I haven’t seen these children since July, but every single one of the 3 and 4-year-olds I ran into remembered me and showered me with hugs. I knew at that moment, I had in fact, made a difference. So I wanted to honor in this blog, a couple other teachers who have made a difference.

Mrs. Wisty Holleman. What an amazing lady. Without her, Savannah would not be as far as she is not only academically, but mentally and emotionally as well. She was Savannah’s 2nd-grade teacher who knew the first day she met Savannah that she has ADHD. The past 3 years of me begging and pleading with anyone to listen to me was finally not a waste. Finally! I knew she was but everyone before Mrs. Holleman told me it was a phase, Savannah was just bored, it’s too rare for girls to have ADHD, etc etc etc. Wisty came in and made all the positive changes we had been waiting for. She emailed me weekly with updates and advice. She guided both Savannah and myself in the right direction to make 2nd grade a positive experience. She gave us time, hours, and a light at the end of the tunnel. I owe her so much.

Miss Brianne McKenzie. She teaches the special needs children at Ridgecrest and although I haven’t had a child in her class, I knew who she was before even meeting her because of all the wonderful things said about her throughout the community. This is what she was born to do. Her heart is made of gold and upon meeting her, you can instantly feel how genuine it is. She is lovely, caring, and her smile is magnetic. Savannah and I stopped by her home last night to pick something up from her. She was happy to see Savannah and you could see Sav’s eyes light up with love. They chatted about books and decided that Miss McKenzie was going to loan books to Sav. Anyone who knows my child knows how amazing of a reader she is. It takes less than a week for her to get through a chapter book. She loves to read. She wants to read all the time. I financially cannot keep up with her reading so she has to reread books and borrow from the library. And now, thanks to Miss McKenzie, she has another way to access amazing books. Savannah couldn’t stop talking about how excited she was to share books with a real teacher the entire way home. She started reading the first book loaned to her last night. Savannah is so excited about reading so to have another person, a teacher, help to inspire her, just blows my mind and makes me eternally grateful. She is an angel.

Thank you to all the teachers out there who aren’t in it for the paycheck or because they ended up in the profession by mistake, I thank you. The heart and soul that so many teachers put into their career are all too often overlooked. To my cousin Tina and my aunt Erica, my late aunt Cathy, Ms. Phelan, Ms. Esrick, and my 3 Kindergarten teachers…..thank you. You really have made a difference.