Monthly Archives: February 2012

Love.

Four letters.

Many meanings.

Love can and will make you do crazy things. You will be tested. You will learn what you can and cannot tolerate. You will look at the world differently. You will justify actions that don’t deserve it. Sometimes, you won’t recognize yourself.

Love can make you smile and tear your heart to pieces, sometimes at the same time.

Love brings joy to your life, yet leaves you lost.

Love will take your breath away and make you feel like you are suffocating.

There are many types of love. The love between family. The love between friends. The love a parent has for a child. The love between lovers. The love you have for someone you respect. The list is too long to, well, list.

Some people are more lovable than others. They will forever take that for granted. I’ve been told I’m not lovable. People have, so far, proven that to be true. One day it won’t be. And maybe that day will come in a different lifetime, and I’ll be ready for it.

I saw my soon to be ex-husband. It reminded me of another type of love. The kind you think is there, but it’s not. The kind of love you lean upon during hard times, and then wonder why it wasn’t strong enough to keep you from breaking. The kind of love that is gone long before you realize it, and longer than you are willing to admit.

Sometimes I don’t think I understand love, does anyone though?

I see the way my parents were with me growing up (separately as they divorced when I was 4). I can see how much my mom loved me. I’ll always give her the credit for doing it all on her own. I can see now the love my dad has for me (I think, maybe, this time), newly found, but hopefully there. I cannot follow their lead, times are different, I’m different. I tell my kids I love them daily. I try to show them by playing with them, snuggling, laughing, joking, encouraging, and simply being there. I wonder if they will ever know how much I love them. I’m sure as a child I’ll never know how much either of my parents loved me. Maybe that’s simply how it’s supposed to be.

I see friends basking in the glow and joy of love, and friends left holding the pieces of their broken hearts.

Love brings us together and tears us apart.

Four letters, huge word.

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