Monthly Archives: February 2012


Four letters.

Many meanings.

Love can and will make you do crazy things. You will be tested. You will learn what you can and cannot tolerate. You will look at the world differently. You will justify actions that don’t deserve it. Sometimes, you won’t recognize yourself.

Love can make you smile and tear your heart to pieces, sometimes at the same time.

Love brings joy to your life, yet leaves you lost.

Love will take your breath away and make you feel like you are suffocating.

There are many types of love. The love between family. The love between friends. The love a parent has for a child. The love between lovers. The love you have for someone you respect. The list is too long to, well, list.

Some people are more lovable than others. They will forever take that for granted.

I saw my soon to be ex-husband. It reminded me of another type of love. The kind you think is there, but it’s not. The kind of love you lean upon during hard times, and then wonder why it wasn’t strong enough to keep you from breaking. The kind of love that is gone long before you realize it, and longer then you are willing to admit.

Sometimes I don’t think I understand love, does anyone though?

I see the way my parents were with me growing up (separately as they divorced when I was 4). I can see how much my mom loved me. I’ll always give her the credit for doing it all on her own. I can see now the love my dad has for me, newly found, but surely there. I cannot follow their lead, times are different, I’m different. I tell my kids I love them daily. I try to show them by playing with them, snuggling, laughing, joking, encouraging, and simply being there. I wonder if they will ever know how much I love them. I’m sure as a child I’ll never know how much either of my parent loves me. Maybe that’s simply how it’s supposed to be.

I see friends basking in the glow and joy of love, and friends left holding the pieces of their broken hearts.

Love brings us together and tears us apart.

Four letters, huge word.


Sometimes I wish my blog was private so I could write exactly what I want and have no one question it. Or maybe I should just have a blog as an anonymous writer.

Sometimes I have a lot to say but I don’t want anyone to hear it, or at least not from my lips.

Sometimes I need a drink. Good think I have Ocean Spray, Redbull, and the ability to make my favorite coffee at my disposal.


Hello world, did you miss me?

It’s been almost a month since I blogged last. It’s not that I didn’t have anything to say, trust me when I tell you that. However, I didn’t have a computer. It will be quite some time until I do so try not to miss me too much in-between writing when I get a chance.

So much has happened in the last month. Hell, so much has happened in the last week.

In the last week I moved into a temporary house.

In the last week I acquired a dog.

The house will last 3 months, then I’ll be in an apartment (fingers crossed).

The dog will last until I can find it’s owner, a new owner, or be forced to give it to Paws. Either way, I’ve got about another week.

Today, the person we are currently living with (aka my friend Jason) is taking the girls and I to Home Depot so they can each pick out paint and decorate their room. Something that is incredibly generous and sweet and will surely make them love this adventure more, but following that act when we move into our own place will be quite the challenge for me lol!

It’s weird to look at all my belongings and have to figure out what I need for the next 3 months and what I don’t. If I don’t need it for the next three months, do I even need it at all? I see some more goodwill trips in my future.

I like where my life is at right now. I despise where my credit is at though. That’s what I’ll be working on for the next three months in hopes I don’t have to live in some creepy shady apartment where everyone looks like the villain in my own nightmare.

However, a job that’s 40 hours a week with a little more pay would sure help out. I might need to consider that. Or at least consider a part-time job to make up the difference. Not yet though, putting one more thing on my plate at this moment wouldn’t be healthy. I can feel that. So instead of doing it anyways (like I normally would have), I’m openly saying to myself and others what I need. And people are listening. What an incredible feeling!

I’ve heard from people who I don’t currently talk to. People reaching out and letting me know they are there if I need it. You know who you are, thanks for that. It’s nice to know in a time of crisis, we can all remember the important things of life and lend a hand when it’s needed. Just because I don’t take you up on those offers doesn’t mean I didn’t appreciate the gesture, I surely did.

Last weekend I went to California to see my best friend. Sadly, I lost another in the process. It was quite a weekend. At the very last-minute my plane ticket there fell through. I thought I wouldn’t get to go. Good thing my new life includes incredible people. One in particular who not only got me a ticket at the last-minute with his miles, got me on the plane in time with his ultra cool vip status. All I had to do in return is clean his house. Yeah, I think I got the better end of the deal 🙂 I had the time of my life with no plan of what do what once I got there. The weekend was so laid back and casual, not my normal way, and just what I needed. I saw so many incredible sights, soaked up a ton of sunshine, fell in love with Venice Beach, met amazingly fun people, and laughed in person with my best friend. Like I said, it was all exactly what I needed. I feel rejuvenated and ready to take on the world.

As I sit here in my new temp home with my temp dog at my feet and my fabulous children eating breakfast at the table, a sense of knowing it will all be okay fills my heart and spirit. There’s a type of peace in our lives we haven’t had in a long time. They are smiling and laughing a lot lately. I know it’s quite the roller coaster we are on right now, but we are on it together. And in the end, that’s all we’ve ever really needed.