Monthly Archives: April 2012

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

Here is what reminds me of you:

The color burgundy.

Board games. Pictionary to be exact.

Pat Benatar.

Oprah.

Hole in the wall teriyaki restaurants.

Red nail polish.

Love notes written in the sand.

 

Here is what reminds me to keep living, even when I want to give up, even when the tears won’t stop, even when my heart breaks:

You.

 

Time doesn’t heal all wounds, it covers them up, it makes getting through the day easier.

Every year when this dreadful day comes, I think I will cry less. That’s simply untrue. It still stings just as much.

I miss you.

 


Food for thought…

“The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, answered “Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not enjoy the present: the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived”

I love this quote. What an accurate and true statement.

Recently I read Tuesday’s with Morrie. It’s a true story based on life’s greatest lesson’s.

What I find wrong with the world (well, one of the things…) is we all know what we should be doing to better ourselves and our lives, yet we don’t follow through. We should recycle, we should eat better, we should love harder. All these’s “should”s and no action.

I do my best to live in a way that when I’m looking back upon my life, I will be proud. I think about decisions and ask 80-year-old me “what will you regret?”. I want to know at the end of life, I truly lived.

Make no mistake, I am not perfect. I have my fault’s too. However, I try everyday to find room for improvement. Being an adult doesn’t make my character complete or my maturity level reached to its highest potential. There’s always room for personal growth and self-awareness.

And that’s today’s food for thought 🙂


I. Am. Happy.

When I first announced waiting for the Holiday’s to be over and moving forward with the divorce was a go, I was scared. I needed my bestie back. I needed her words of encouragement. She’s gone through it before, and as a bonus, she hated him too. It was hard to realize I would be going through this phase without her. I would have reached out but one thing stopped me. And just in case any of my old friends still read this, I’ll keep that thought to myself. I needed my mom, yet I wasn’t ready to have a relationship with her. She’d been through it too.

So I went for it, without my two biggest supporters in my past life, knowing deep down I would be fine. And guess what…I am.

I am ridiculously happy! I know what I want out of life. I’ve happily cut out people I don’t want in it. I’ve met incredible people. I’m almost always smiling. Savannah is getting better grades and laughing constantly. Jo is happy too. We are all so much better than we have been in a couple of years. I feel like my heart is full and finally put back together.

Sometimes I think about Brett and wonder how he’s holding up. Then I remember the reasons why I had to leave. Then I think about Jax. Then I hate Brett for not sharing him. Then I cry. I’ve honestly cried more over losing Jax than anything else these past few months. I guess that’s saying a lot.

I thought I would be a wreck for a long time. That I would move on and smile but part of me would be broken and hurting. Nope. Just a few sad moments here and there, then I remember how happy I am, and bam, just like that I’m smiling.

I lost a good friend recently. Well, cut ties with is more like it. There was a time she was one of my closest friends, but that ran its course as many friendships do. And that’s okay. We had some great times, more often than not. Memories were made to be cherished for a lifetime. I’ll always love her from afar. But I needed to close the door on that one and I feel better now that I did. I hope she’s doing okay too.

Jason. Where do I even begin? If ever two people were meant to know each other, it’s us. We compliment each other in a way I never knew existed. He recently asked Savannah and Jo (separately) for permission to ask me on a date. Of course they both said yes. Then he asked me out in front of them, it was so adorable. He has kept them in consideration every step of the way in the story of us. They are involved, included, and always feel loved. He’s there for them in a way no man ever has been. I look forward to the day we can walk hand in hand and feel their love around us, I think the kids are looking forward to it too 🙂

I’m moving soon. Living with Jason has been a dream. I think I’ll be making him a key before I even get my own lol! The place I’m moving is 3 bedrooms, big, spacious, has a yard area, pool, and a park. It’s a lovely townhouse and more than I could ever have dreamed to be able to call my own…well as long as I’m a good tenant I suppose lol. I’ve got about a month left here, I will enjoy every second of it. It will be terribly hard to leave, but I think Jason will enjoy having his garage back, not to mention the girls are looking forward to their own rooms. And did I mention there’s a pool?!?!

Lately my life is work, softball, walks outside, horseback riding (okay, that was the kids, but I got cute pics!), movie and pizza nights, endless cribbage, board games with friends, comedy, laughter, breathtaking sunsets, motorcycle riding (on the back of course lol), family, friends, and love. So much love in my life these days!

My life is exactly where I want it to be. I couldn’t be happier.