Monthly Archives: June 2012


AS = Asperger Syndrome. That’s what I’ve learned.

I’ve also learned it shows up in girls very differently than boys. So much so, it was once thought girls couldn’t have it. They couldn’t get it.

When I first heard that I thought of a cold. You can get a cold. You can have a cold. How do you “get” Asperger’s?

This word has become a part of my daily life. Such a small word, with such big meaning.

It means my daughter is highly imaginative, has a genius IQ, is very particular, doesn’t understand why she should bother with other perspectives since hers is the best (in her opinion), and is quirky.

It also means she’s labeled.

I see the character Max from Parenthood and that to me is Aspergers. That’s the type I was taught in school. That’s the type I was trained to spot as a teacher. My daughter is not like that. Like I said, it’s different in girls.

This means many girls are undiagnosed. This also means there is less research, support, and awareness.

I have a long journey ahead of me. Luckily I have many hands to hold along that path.

Including the hands of my beautifully quirky daughter.

Tuesday morning thoughts…

A lot has made me overly happy recently, sometimes I feel like sharing it, although I usually don’t. It’s hard to follow the act I had before this life. I knew how unhappy I was, so did a few close friends. Yet I had to keep up appearances. Facebook posts, Facebook pictures, always smiling, lying that I was okay, blogging about my happiness, etc.

Two things are happening in my mind at this moment…

1. If I blog and Facebook about my happiness, will people just think I’m the girl who cried wolf, er, happiness?

2. I’m so truly honestly happy, I don’t really care about proving it to others. I know I’m happy, who cares if others think so or not.

It’s very different to be in a relationship where you don’t have to save face all of the time. I no longer feel the need to convince others I’m happy for my own anxiety. I am happy. Life is good. Deal with it.

There have been a few obstacles recently, however, I won’t be sharing them here, at least not yet. Not everyday can be 100% smiles, but I still have a reason to smile every day. In fact, I have quite a few 🙂

Life is taking me on many adventures this year, I know more are to come. That’s what life is. A roller coaster. You can’t predict it, you just have to roll with it….the up’s, the down’s, and the upside down’s.

I don’t go out as much, or even see my friends as often. It’s fascinating the changes that naturally occur when you actually want to be at home. I don’t know if I enjoy anything as much as dinner time with the kids and Jason, all of us talking about our days, us playing some pinnacle while they watch a bedtime show, putting the littles to bed, and ending the night with a show all snuggled on the couch with a man who really cares about me. It’s a quiet, peaceful,fulfilling life. I love my friends and getting to see them, don’t get me wrong. But there are no holes in my heart to fill, no gaps in my life, no need to run away, and no emptiness. It’s an incredible feeling.

Yet life is always changing, and I’m doing my best to remember that. Who knows where I’ll be in a month, a year, or a decade. But right now, in this very moment, life is good. That’s a precious gift from this often cruel universe, and I’ll continue to enjoy it as long as it let’s me.