Hi blog followers… all 2 or 3 of you. I’ve missed you. I’ve missed blogging. it’s been far too long!
I wanted to focus today’s blog on something near and dear to my heart… me. Hahaha, well, kind of.
Recently I was put into a conversation with a woman who does not like me and has no problem telling me so. It was harsh, hurtful, embarrassing, and devastating. She doesn’t like me because of my “perky personality”, which, I don’t think of myself as perky, but okay. Even she’s entitled to her opinion.
This event led to other conversations, one in which I was told that my “continually upbeat personality can come across as fake”. Damn. That sucks. But I was appreciative of the honesty.
Am I a happy person? Yes, I think so. I hope so. I do my best to find the joys in life. I’ve paid a lot of money in therapy bills to get to this point.
People, I’m not fake!!! I really am happy. I really am excited. I really do get giddy over stupid things. I’m not fake. Just because I save my dark hours for my alone time, doesn’t make me fake. It makes me closed off. It makes me guarded. Take it or leave it, I simply don’t want to share that part of me. I can’t imagine that makes me fake. Sharing those dark thoughts would be fake and forced since that’s not natural to me.
I have a friend that I have a problem with. Am I going to tell her? No. Are we going to discuss my issue? No. Because it’s MY issue, I don’t need to make it HER issue. I’ll get over it. Why bring it up? I’ll hurt her feelings. I could hurt our friendship. It’s not worth it to me. Instead, I’ll continue to love her endlessly, because I do, and I’ll keep my icky feelings to myself. I can’t imagine that makes me fake either. In fact, I think it only makes me polite. Maybe even respectful. Or, possibly delusional.
Every ugly opinion in the world doesn’t have to be shared. Shocking, I know.
I don’t talk about a lot of things that upset me. I used to, and I got judged for my opinions. Sometimes my opinions hurt people I love and that hurts me. I’m a peacekeeper by nature and personality. I don’t like to stir the pot. That doesn’t make me fake either, that’s my actual personality. I am making the cognizant choice to keep certain opinions to myself. Not fake. Just me.
Why am I almost 35 and this is still an issue? Why haven’t I reached a chapter in life where girls can just accept each other, love each other, and give up the name calling? Yes, even calling me “fake” is name calling and hurtful.
My mom taught me “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” and I still believe in that.
However, if you directly ask my opinion on something I will tell you my thoughts. Disclaimer: You might not like my opinion.
It’s hard to raise 2 daughters in such a harsh world. People are mean. For no reason. It really gets under my skin. I’m raising my daughters to NOT be mean girls, but it isn’t easy. Mean girls are everywhere. They’re influential and often magnetic. I wish I could guarantee my kids will never test out the “mean girl” personality, but I can’t promise the world that. I can only hope that they remain level headed girls who care enough about the world they live in to try to make it a better place.
Also, I’m not perfect. It’s taking me years of practice to get to a point where I can be this happy. There’s scientific data regarding this topic. Look it up. Pretty incredible stuff. (be wary of the rabbit holes or you may lose hours of your life too…)
I could ramble about this topic all day and night…. but I have David Tutera’s CELEBrations to watch. Love me some trashy reality tv 🙂