Things that make me say WOW

1. Recently I’ve seen families riding bikes together. This is great. What’s not great is that the children are wearing helmets, but the parents are not. All the parents are teaching the children is that they are wearing helmets because their parents told them to, not because they are actually important. This is like being a parent who smokes and tells their kids not to. Kids start to experience with life and think “well it can’t be that bad, my mom/dad does it”. WOW.

2. Game of Thrones. WOW.

3. There are 8 days left of school. I remember school shopping. I remember meeting teachers. The school year flew by. I’m not ready for another school year. That means my precious baby is only one year away from high school. Seriously. I’m not joking. WOW.

4. Sean came to visit and stayed a couple of nights. We had a blast, laughed a ton, ate incredible food, and just chilled. The girls were so excited to see him, it was a complete surprise. Jo was red as could be and couldn’t stop laughing. Just like old times. We just need to do it more often. WOW.

5. People are becoming more and more aware of the dangers in the food we eat. People are speaking up, taking a stand, spreading awareness, and doing what’s right. I’m continually inspired by these strangers. Learning more and more myself I’m disgusted by the facts. WOW. Ok, Double WOW!!!

6. The world we live in. The shootings. The tornado’s. The bombings. I want to take my kids and live in a bubble. Instead, I’m left to offer more laughter, kisses, an ear to listen, smiles, and daily reminders of love. I don’t want my children to grow up seeing so much tragedy. WOW.

7. I gave up blogging daily of my trials and tribulations of going to the gym. I got lazy. There’s no other way to say it. However, I’ve lost 7 pounds. I don’t see the difference. My clothes don’t fit better. My body isn’t more toned. But I’m inspired. I’m motivated. And that’s what counts. WOW.

8. There’s a 10-year-old who can’t get a desperately needed transplant due to guidelines. How are we living in a world where we follow a rule book that tells us a 10-year-old isn’t a priority? WOW.

9. The Skylar Neese case. WOW.

10. And this picture…. WOW! (sad but true and still yet oh so funny!)

Today was a bust! (day 4)

1. I couldn’t go to the gym on my lunch break thanks to meetings….again.

2. I made a batch of brownies.

3. I drank 2 glasses of wine.

Hmm…..guess every day can’t be a win.

However, I didn’t throw any tantrums today 🙂

Day three. A day of discouragement.

Today I went 114 over my calorie intake. I also ate the last brownie. That will help. Boy those things are good!!! Also, my dinner was over 500 calories and I only ate 1 cup. Duly noted- ravioli contains a lot of calories, especially tossed in olive oil!

Today I threw a fit because I don’t want to give up the foods I like. They are tasty. But full of calories. I felt tortured. I’m finally at a point in my life where I really like food, and now I’m learning how bad they all seem to be. It’s so incredibly discouraging.

I also recently threw a fit because I can’t do push ups. I mean really, who can’t do push ups? Shouldn’t I be able to do at least 10 before my arms want to give out and I run the risk of smashing my face into the ground? In theory, yes. Reality, not a chance! I am weaker than I thought. A harsh reality I had to face on that one.

On a brighter note, I must say that so much of my success is to the thanks of my fantastic boyfriend. Never in my life have I been in a relationship with someone who cares about me like he does. He looks up foods, plans, idea’s, calories, etc. He motivates me and gets out there with me. It’s so comforting to not be alone in this. To have support and a sounding board. To be able to throw a tantrum and have a melt down and have him right there getting me through it and talking me off a cliff, it’s incredible. I didn’t know relationships could be like that. Right now, he is making me protein shakes custom to my liking that I can ration out over the next few days. He never stops giving to me.

Today I burned 150 calories between the stationary bike at my gym and our impromptu game of frisbee after work.

Today was my first day at the gym in my new workout clothes. I’m not going to lie, I loved the feeling. Before I felt like a poser. Like everyone knew I didn’t belong. Now, in my stylish cute gear, I look like everyone else. Yes, this motivates me. I’m okay with that.

Goal for tomorrow- no meltdowns or fits.


Day two.

I downloaded the ap Jason swears by. It’s called My Plate and you can track everything. Okay, I admit. I love it. According to it I need to intake 842 calories to hit my target. This doesn’t mean starving myself. It means eating my necessary calories to survive, then exercising enough to get back to my target.

I today I failed. I also cried.

I ate well (minus the brownie, but hey, it was made with banana’s and zucchini at least) and exercised not so well. I arrived to work to learn my 2 co-workers had to do the training I did yesterday, so again no full lunch break to me. I accommodated with walking and a few reps of this and that at home.

Calories for the day – exercise = 842 calories. Which is 14 over my goal, but still not too shabby.

Highlights of the day:

1. Jason talked me out of buying a scale

2. I bought myself cute work out clothes

3. Jason is currently pouring me a glass of wine

That’s my cue….I better do some lunges on my way to the glass of wine!

Day one. (posted on day two, oops!)

Good morning! It’s the first official day of kicking my own @$$!

Here are my measurements in inches:

Thighs- 21 3/4 (goal is to lose 4 inches in each, reality is I’d be happy to lose 2 inches in each)

Arms- Right = 10 1/2, Left = 10 1/4 (goal is to lose 2 inches each, reality is I’d be happy t0 lose 1/2 inch and tone up)

Stomach- 31 1/2 (goal is to lose 4 inches, reality is I might kill someone if I can’t lose those 4 inches)

Calories for the day = 1,400

Exercise for the day = Not enough!

I got to work to learn that I wasn’t going to be able to take a full lunch break, instead, a half hour lunch break due to a teleconference training. Ugh. I took a brief stroll on my break and a walk after work for a total of 130 calories burned through exercise.

Onto the next day!

It’s too easy to quit.

I am a runner, not the good kind. Not the kind of runner who wakes up at dawn and heads out to feel the wind welcome me in. No, I am the kind of runner who sees a tough task, an emotional hardship, and says, nah, not this time. Not always, but sometimes. And it’s easy. This is how I got the body I have now.

Once upon a time I liked exercise a lot more than I do now. I don’t know what happened. It just got too easy to quit.

I wondered to myself recently, what can be my motivation? What will drive me and hold me accountable? I have no friends to work out with. I can’t afford a trainer. Then it dawned on me-

I will blog it. That will hold me accountable.

So this is my vow to my followers (yes, all 3 of you). This is my vow to anyone who randomly stumbles across this page. This is my vow to my children who will someday ready this. I am going to bare it all. I am going to get personal and vulnerable. I am going to open my soul, my heart, and let go of my pride.

For 2 weeks.

I will track daily my food, and my exercise. I will track my accomplishments and my failures.

Here we go…….

It is Sunday evening. I weight 120 lbs on the dot. I want to be 110. I’d settle for 112.

I carry my weight in my midsection, I know, don’t we all?! But I hate it so much. I’m not proportioned enough for that. I’m a tiny person on a tiny frame. 10 extra pounds in my mid section shows immensely.

I need to lose 10 pounds and tone up. I want my too thin legs back. I don’t want to have to squeeze into my jeans. And I swear to all things higher and more powerful than myself, I would never eat a muffin again if I can lose this muffin that feels too permanent.

I don’t want to hear that I’m already skinny. I don’t want to hear that I look great. I don’t feel great. People, stop trying to make me feel better. It’s discouraging when you tell me such things. You are taking my feelings and telling me they aren’t real.

I hate my body. Let me deal with that. Support me on this adventure, or ignore it at least.

I look forward to this journey. Wish me luck 🙂

Until tomorrow.

I love you but your brain is broken.

I was told that recently. You might think my jaw dropped open and I was found speechless. You are wrong. It didn’t offend me, I giggled. It warmed my heart to know that someone loves me enough to be that honest, and get’s me, because I think my brain is broken too.

I wonder where it started. When. Always?

Sometimes I think I’ve got it all figured out, then other times my world is upside down and pouring through my hands like hourglass sand and theres nothing I can do to freeze the moment and fix it.

I wish I could go back in time, set a video camera up, and watch my life play out. I want to find that “ah ha!” moment when I realize where it all changed. Then I can tweak the past and voila, I’ll be fixed!

Then there’s the other side. The side that makes me say, “so what, I like me, I’m okay with me, I’ve accepted me, now it’s your turn to accept me”, duh!

Life confuses me. Social norm’s and rules confuse me. I derive so much of my reactions from my observations. If you react a certain way and I want to make you happy, I should react that same way. Then I do. Then you get mad. Say what?!?! Me = confused! This holds true for my entire life. Every aspect. Love, relationships, friendships, work, etc. It never stops. And I never stop being confused because it’s rare that someone wants the mirrored reaction that they would or even have given themself! It’s quite a cycle.

I tell myself to stop observing people so intensely, but I don’t think that’s even possible.

Sometimes I have a reaction to a situation, but I don’t show it, or say it. Instead I calm myself down and react in the way that seems appropriate. Is that fake? No, that’s respect. Just because I can tell you how I really feel about you or what you did, doesn’t mean that’s the right way to handle it.

My brain is indeed broken. But I’ve grown quite fond of the way it works. So get used to it. Because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind!